Reading

Fall Shows Its Face

Temperature is in the 60s. We had some rain but not enough.

Fall is the season I love the most. The temperature is very comfortable. I love watching the leaves change. And there is Halloween which is my favorite holiday. I still have to get my decorations ups.

That will happen after this weekend which is New York Comic Con. We are accepting Peter’s entrance into the hall of fame. Next weekend is Peter’s family memorial and then I am done with memorial services.

And then….

Well, I don’t know. I still have IRS, Medicaid and the Will to deal with.

For over 10 years, starting with Peter’s first stroke, I was Peter’s caretaker. I made sure he went to his physical therapy and doctor’s appointments. I made sure there was food on the table, and he had what he needed to work. At conventions, I was his stage manager making sure he got to his panels, and he ate among other things.

Now I have myself to take care of. Living by myself I have been doing for about three years. Now I must find a job that pays a decent salary. I have been trying to get a job before Peter passed. I have been out of the job market for 23 years since I was let go by Del Rey. I do have my job at Micheal’s Craft Store but only very part time at a little over the minimum wage. I do enjoy my time there. I have a great manager and a good crew to work with, but it will not pay for my utilities and other expenses.

I must learn how to take care of myself. I am so used to taking care of others, I tended to ignore me. Now it is just me and that feels weird. I honestly didn’t expect to find myself in this position for at least another 20 years or so.

I have lived on my own before I met Peter. I know I have the skill seall be it a little rusty.

The hardest thing for me to do is put me first. I haven’t really done much of that in my life. I have others I could put first. Caroline still needs me however; she has her own life and adventures to live. She knows she can call, text, or visit any time she wants to.

I am at a crossroads as to what I want to do with my life. I want to write more and continue to make puppets for fun and profit. But can I make a living on that? Right now, the answer is no but I can work to making it a yes. It will take time and effort on my part.

I am in a cocoon right now getting ready to hatch and spread my wings. I don’t know how this is all going to end up, but I think I have a good beginning.

I am grateful for me.

Kindness, Niceness, Respect, Words have meanings

Jane Goodall passed away in her sleep. She was so much more than the chimp lady. The work she did has opened a whole new way of thinking about both animals and people.

“You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you.

What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to

make.”

— Jane Goodall

Kindness costs you very little. Kindness should be one’s first go to. A kind word can make someone’s day especially if they are having a bad one. I compliment someone’s hair or outfit or shoes, many times they smile, and their face brightens up. I have recognized them as a fellow person in just the comment. I try to be kind to all. I don’t know what sort of day/week/month/year they had.

Polite is a good reflex too. It doesn’t matter who it is, they deserve politeness. I try to be polite even in difficult situation. It’s just good manners. I have gotten a lot further with taking care of problems with being polite. I watch that play out at DragonCon when I went to check in. It was two different people checking in. One was being rather rude. They kept harping on their status with the hotel and how dare his room was not ready right now. The other gentleman took the news rather graciously and gave them his cell number to call when the room was ready. The gentleman was called back in pretty short order and got his room. The other guy came back about the same time I did to get his room. There was a lot of muttering about calling corporate about how long he had to wait. It was about an hour. I told the clerk whose name was Susanne that if she needed a witness as to what happened here is my phone number since I had been there for both incidents. She thanked me but said it was not necessary due to the camera system they have set up there.

Nice is a reflex with me. I always try to be nice. Again, it costs me nothing except breath. Everyone deserves to be treated nicely. When I was at MoMI two weeks ago, I gave information I knew to others who had questions I could answer. I helped some new puppet owners how to operate their puppets. One said they hope they are as cool as me when they get to my age. I said keep practicing.

Respect the other person. Not that easy when the topic is a tough one that one will never see eye to eye. I am of the “agree to disagree” group. There are times that one can totally lose respect for the other person. It is about the time the discussion becomes a war of words and ideas. Shouting is not winning an argument in face it is pretty much losing it. Slurs, implied or blatant, are the end of the argument. “I know you are, but what am I” is the kiss of death. We, as a society, need to relearn how to debate.

I learned most of this from my parents who live what they say. They were my models on how to act in public. They also taught me some tricks to discussion and debate. Other things I learned from mentors in my life.

I am grateful for the people to raised me.

Being a Creative Person

I am a creative person. This I have known since I was a child. I have found ways to expressing my creativity.

Now I knew I was creative, but I never really thought of myself as an artist. Bill Sienkiewicz was the one who made me see my work as art. He managed to get me to see what I did was not just a technical trick but creative art. I thought of puppets as practical objects. I didn’t see them as art. Now that I do, I think of myself as an artist. I am proud of my art.

I can write. I enjoy stretching that part of my mind. I am always thinking my way through stories and scenarios. Peter did the same thing and we would bounce ideas off each other and were each other’s first readers.

And we were honest with each other. Peter would warn people they would be getting his opinion good, bad or ugly. I got his honest opinion which sometimes was just the words “it sucks. Try again with out the story sucking.” He would tell me when I was wasting my time on a story for various reasons. I would tell him the same thing on that rare occasion where I could tell he was at a dead end.

I like making dolls. I haven’t done it in a while. I learned the kind of doll I loved making from Wendy Froud. If you ever get the chance to take a workshop from Wendy, take it. It will change your life. Yesterday a friend of mine gave me a box of eyeballs. These are much smaller I would use for the puppets however, they are the perfect size for smaller dolls. Most of my doll work is with anthropomorphize animals or fantast creature. I kept my favorite badger to remind me that I can do these things.

I like making stuffed animals. Another thing that I haven’t done in a while. Again they go to the fantastical side of the road.

I like making costumes. I am doing less of that. For one thing Caroline learned to sew for herself, so she makes her own costumes. I don’t have that gang of kids I had to make costumes for. I am starting to make stuff for me. Some of it can be used as street clothing. Other pieces are costume only. I am in the middle of making a swallow tailcoat. It is very complicated. I think I can do it. I am probably going do a muslin mockup before I take scissors to the real fabric.

My mind is never bored. It is aways scheming all kinds of things. Right now, it is working on the answer to a question a friend asked about how to do something with a puppet. I came up with several ways just off the top of my head. I am now going through them to see what would work for my friend since this is their first puppet.

I am grateful for my creativity.

Monday Morning Quarter and other things

I actually sat down and watched football yesterday. The Giants beating the Chargers was a nice pick up from me. I thought the Bucs were going to beat the Eagles but the Eagles were playing tight. The Lions surprised me. The rest of the games basically fell where I thought they would.

Saturday was fun. I went into the city for a gathering of friends to talk art and anything else that came to mind. It was exactly what my spirit needed. Some good food and pleasant conversation. Thanks, gang.

Today is chores day. I am working the next two days so I want to get as much done as I can today. I do need to go to the grocery store for a few things as well.

My body clock is getting me up earlier these days. I saw a lovely sunrise this morning. I think once we go back to normal time in November, my body will sort it out.

September is Mental Health month among other things. I have been quite open about my struggles with my mental health. Right now, I am stuck in the spin cycle of situational depression. Situational depression is a little different than normal depression. In situational depression, the situation one is in is the cause of the depressive cycle. Considering all that has happened in my life for the past couple of years, it’s obvious. I am lucky I have a good therapist and doctor who have helped me through some of these crises. I am using prescribed drugs to help my brain to work more normally. I think I would have shut down entirely if I didn’t have them.

I also must thank my friends who have had my back. I have people I can talk or rant or vent to. I feel the support even when I am alone. Knowing I can call someone if things start getting bad in my head is a great relief.

Y’all have helped me a lot. Having a place, I can just say something and not be judged is very helpful. I also feel the love and support.

I am grateful for all the support.